In which Beats buys back some Beats, Tech Fogey ponders Showrooming, snoopers train their gaze on Skypers and Microsoft loses a bit of money

In which some people buy TVs that are ‘smart’ (again…) but see what that smartness will deliver into their living rooms and then don’t bother with any of it; shoppers use their smartphones to suss out bargains and good stuff while actually shopping in a shop; desperate lust-mongers increasingly buy Kindles to read ‘mommie porn’; TVs discover tumescence and TF blathers on again about the bandwidth squeeze.

There are only two significant stories this week: the respective launches of GoogleStarted life as a mere search engine; now hell bent on world domination. More PhDs work for Google than any other single organisation and they're determined to know everything about everyone. For some reason Google thinks this inside info will help them and their chums sell us more stuff. TV and YouView. Both are platforms for watching stuff on your TV and will cost £250 and £299 respectively for all the relevant gubbins.

Beware telephoning cold-callers who claim your PCShort for personal computer. Most commentators use the term as a shorthand differentiator between Windows-based computers and AppleFruit, record label, world dominator in the slick boy's toys department devices. But an Apple computer is still a personal computer. is infected with a virus that only they can fix. They are scamming scum and deserve only your scorn.

Before the Internet came along people with nothing better to do ‘pottered’. Old fogies who either weren’t interested or couldn’t be bothered spent their days doing mindless domestic chores. Many still do. ‘Surfing the Web’ sounds ever so swish but is it really any different from pottering? How much of what we do online is wasting time?

In which smartphoneOpposite of dumbphone. Device with which which to do pretty much anything except make telephone calls. The best smartphone handsets, such as the AppleFruit, record label, world dominator in the slick boy's toys department iPhoneCostly but beautiful smartphone made by Apple. The standard by which all other smartphones are judged. and Samsung Galaxy, are expensive (the iPhone 5 starts at £529) and to get a 'free' phone you have to commit to a 2 year contract. As we know, new phones come crashing onto the market all the time, so today's state-of-the-art handset will be seriously old hat long before that contract expires. cameras out-muscle dedicated snappers, the Internet gets busy, BT Vision coughs up for Premier League footie, YouTubers rake it in and B&O pretends to launch entry-level audio-visual toys.

In which AppleFruit, record label, world dominator in the slick boy's toys department takes the piss out of its retail workers, Amazon and GoogleStarted life as a mere search engine; now hell bent on world domination. More PhDs work for Google than any other single organisation and they're determined to know everything about everyone. For some reason Google thinks this inside info will help them and their chums sell us more stuff. underwhelm TF with some new e-reader touchscreen tablet thingies, Ofcom talks tough on piracy, SurfEasy allows anonymous browsing, BT Vision disappoints and Samsung doesn’t get away with copying Apple’s iPad for about five minutes.

Even though you might actively want information about a product, by scanning the QR code you establish a two-way connection with a third party which could then result in you being deluged with garbage you don’t want.

Catastrophically late for the party yet again, Microsoft tries to muscle it’s way into the tablet market with Surface, a touchscreen with keyboard that is therefore, er, a laptop? Discuss.

In which streaming initiates disc death, shelves torment a Fogey, Thomas Pynchon goes digital, a Blu-rayHigh definition format for pre-recorded discs that play at 1080p resolution - the best there is. If you own a Full HD TV set, the only way (at least in the UK) you can get Full HD/1080p content to show on it is with a Blu-ray player and Blu-ray discs. Naturally they are more expensive than standard defintion DVDs, which typically display at 576 horizontal lines - the screen resolution of an analogue cathode ray tube TV. (CRTV). player opens up myriad new vistas streaming with audiovisual guff, Tom Tom navigates around GoogleStarted life as a mere search engine; now hell bent on world domination. More PhDs work for Google than any other single organisation and they're determined to know everything about everyone. For some reason Google thinks this inside info will help them and their chums sell us more stuff. and into AppleFruit, record label, world dominator in the slick boy's toys department and BlackBerryOld fruit. Smartphone, most often with qwerty keypad that can only be operated by those with the fingers of an anorexic pixie. Mostly a business device that's good for emails but not much else. A misser of many boats. learns to spell.